Tagline: "Every good girl makes a few BAD choices"
"I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me."
-John Mayer, Daughters
What's worse than a Good Girl playing impossible to get?
An X callgirl X addict now clean trying to be good who "owes" $1,000s in lifesaving favors to a friend in need...is "trying" to have a "secret" affair behind BF's back but can't have sex without drugs... In depressed shock over kidnap of her newborn baby...the kind of shock that kills most people, or kills all hope for human contact between males n female...
The hurricane rages.
What could possibly go right?
YES TERDAY
Our appointed Talking Day. Heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul, dick-to-cunt.
Miss Lovely asked me to pick her up from an appointment, even though she had a ride. We drive and talk serious matters, mostly. We get some burgers and sit in the car to eat. Too important and personal to sit inside.
I'm manbitching about our future, and the lack of current sexual events. Typical man! Same speech she gets from BF lol. By "future" I mean a max of one year, the time required to sort this legal matter. This week doc gave her the green light to fuck after giving birth...but she did not...something VERY common for most MILFs! Not even installed the birth control...will it even work? What horrors in Legal Land will befall her if it don't? Thanks to the legal nightmare in the last 30 days, she literally has PTSD from normal happy fucking!
I'm not saying she hasn't earned a vacation from sex. If anyone has, it's her. Too bad its killing those who are saving her life. We need saving too! I'm more daddy than sugar daddy now, and she don't like her daddys very much. Good sex is about love and life, it restores strength and mental health, a necessity like healthy food, water and air -- a lesson she has not learned yet? It's certainly not the lessons she's been taught so far since age 6. I'm trying to heal that broken dream...can't do that on a blog.
This is a lady who used to sext me begging for sex...begging for dope, it turned out later, then begging for hope. She almost always initiated sex, and never said No in the bedroom, living room, kitchen, shower, jacuuzi, swimming pool, outdoors, in the car, on camera. Now she's dead to me? All her other "friends" bailed on her when she needed them, now I'm cut off too?! I'm trying to help her with everything I've got, but if she keeps pushing me away then that's less of everything for her -- less time, less driving, less money, less friendship, less "love". So many reasons, so many solutions, so little time... She's flipping personalities. Where we once had 100% honesty in an open relationship, she's closing her relationships, requiring lies to "protect" the two men nearest and dearest to her...sort of a compliment...but I prefer honesty and talking, not silence and silence.
I'm her main support financially and legally, and probably emotionally, yet I'm being shutout by BF's insecurity. Is it him, or her? That's my question. Funny thing is, BF might not get any sex either, if he don't let me get some...
W&H: "Why can't we fuck anymore, or just play around? I miss that with you. Now I know it was all for the drugs, but I know you had fun too. With me. At least I hope so. I made sure you almost always got off at least once even if I didn't - and many times I didn't because I focused on you. I didn't hurt you, we always talked, I always tried to make you feel good. Even if it took an hour and a half oral. Like a regular date except with a time limit! And you put me in charge of turning off your alarm clock because 'it feels so good' and you 'didn't want it to stop.' Except when we had no time limit! You said you 'loved me like a friend.'"
ML: "I'm only 21... I don't know who I am... I'm still trying to find out what I want in life..." Typical bullshite blowoff!?
W&H: "I understand. I was fucked up at 21, most people are. Then I got cleaned up, worked on supersonic jets, became a semi-pro athlete on TV every week, and fucked my wife all the time (monogamous 10 years until her addiction started cutting me off sex). Life was good. I'm not trying to take away your freedom to do whatever you want. I would hope you'd allow me to be a part of that exploration. Don't worry, I'm not planning to wreck your life. You can do whatever you want, with whoever you want. I don't care."
ML: "I still care about you...I still want you in my life...Yes I want to fuck you, but not right now, not anybody right now..." Where's a hooker when you need one?
W&H: "I'm here for you, but I worry that without your drug goggles I'm not as hot as you thought I was (but our sex selfies prove I am!). Time to move on to your other friends? Or you don't need the drugs now so there's no incentive to spend time with friends at all."
ML: "It's not that at all. I've been depressed and mood swings and stress. You deal with a fraction of what's going on in my head. I'm sorry that you feel that way."
"W&H: "You can talk to me anytime you want. Tell me what's going on in your head? I like honesty, and I won't punch you in the face like your step-dad. I understand you're under tremendous stress, and stress kills sexual desire."
ML: "I can't even masturbate anymore, and I was pretty good at that! I can only think about one thing...everytime I try to get turned on I see my baby's face and that just kills it for me."
W&H: "That's awful! I'm glad you love your baby so much. You'll get him back soon, don't worry. I'm working and paying and praying as hard as I can to help you with that. But I have a similar problem from the stress. Can't focus at all. I even start writing my shopping list in the middle of jacking off. It's no fun anymore. And my manhands damage my dick!"
ML: (giggle) "Maybe I can help you with that?"
W&H: "I hope so, soon. I miss your handjobs very much!
ML: "I miss them too. But now I'm very lazy..."
W&H: "Ha. I believe we can help each other solve our problems. But my problem wasn't a problem with Sabrina, both fucking and her handjob. She had a huge problem cheating on her married BF, and sex that first time was pretty effed up. She had to give me a handjob after fucking. That might've gotten better over time, but now she's cut me off to be faithful to her married BF, who she sees every day. She met him because her brother works for him, so they didn't meet at the club. It's a normal affair and they love each other, though he does pay her bills sometimes, and she pays his."
"ML: "I'm glad you quit seeing her, even though she's your friend. I can't have you around me or my baby if she's using drugs."
W&H: "I understand and agree. You need me with a clean arrest record, and so do I. That's why I'm so glad you finally quit using!
ML: "There was never any risk of that with me..."
W&H: "Bullshit! Yes there was, you just won't admit it yet. It's not like you haven't been arrested before."
ML: "Well, maybe a little risk..."
W&H: "My point is that fucking is different than masturbation. It's much easier to focus when fucking, and I had no problems with that. Even with Sabrina's handjobs, I had no problem paying attention and getting off. So I believe that would not be a problem with you getting off, orally, or with a vibrator, or fucking. You're off the drugs, so now you should have no problem. And I want to fuck the Real You! I've never fucked the Real You, without drugs. The only reason Sabrina couldn't get off was the drugs, according to her. But her BF was stalking her, too, so that was a huge stress on her when trying to relax and play with a friend."
ML: "I see your point."
W&H: "I can do oral on you or a vibrator first. That way it's impossible to get pregnant, so you don't have to worry about that."
ML: (big smile) "Yeah, that's a good idea! It would be really bad for my baby if I got pregnant again right away. I worry about that very much. BF don't like handjobs though. And I don't like giving oral anymore."
W&H: "I do love your handjobs. And I don't like oral that much, though you do a great job on that! Maybe we can try that first, me doing oral on you, and you giving me a handjob? No worries in case the birth control don't work. My last 10 years of marriage I had no sex with the X wife, so I have plenty of self control, you have nothing to worry about rape from me."
Miss Lovely get's up to 3 hours oral a week from W&H
ML: (smile) "Hmmm...I like that! But doctor said I have post-partum depression."
W&H: "Maybe. Except you were so happy and excited those first five days in hospital, with your baby. You didn't have depression until they stole your baby. You certainly have 'post-kidnapping depression'. The only cure for that is getting your baby back as fast as possible. And you need orgasms to relieve stress and fight depression, to make you stronger to fight for your baby."
ML: "So you don't think I need medication?"
W&H: "Probably not. They work a little at first, then the side effects get bad. Antidepressants are vasoconstrictors, and have a horrible side effect of blocking orgasm for women. I've had several female friends tell me that, so bad some of them had to stop taking it. Then the side effect to quitting an antidepressant is a dangerous increase in blood pressure, so they must be tapered for 30 days, which is impossible since you can't cut the pill in 30 sections. When I was BF's age, I may have had a mini stroke when I quit taking it, arm paralyzed, couldnt walk, couldn't recognize things, had to relearn a lot of simple shit, like remember to take money out of an ATM machine or stop at redlights. My friend you met had a massive stroke when he quit taking Xanax. And you are in the middle of drug withdrawls, so that's a big part of how you feel for a few more months."
ML: "Yeah, I don't need bad side effects. And I like my orgasms! I'm looking forward to that now that I'm off the dope. My low thyroid is probably due to the drugs, which was a problem last time I cleaned up. It took six months for my thyroid to test normal after detox."
W&H: "Good. I hope that time will heal your thyroid, which is probably why your energy is so low now. But depression also kills energy. Taking niacin has helped me tremendously with raising my moods and giving me energy. The extended release prevents that flushing side effect, that nobody likes but bodybuilders and athletes."
ML: "Yeah, I need to try that extended release niacin. The other scared me!"
W&H: "Well, I hope you try taking the extended release soon. I believe it will help you and not make you feel funny. That's why I bought it for you. If you get hired as a drug counselor someday, I hope you would be able to tell your clients that niacin really helped you, and get them tested for pyroluria, too."
ML: "I need 12 months clean and sober, to get that job. I'll try the new niacin."
W&H: "Good! So, what else is bothering you?"
ML: "I think the stress with BF is a big part of it. He can never know about us having this 'affair'. He's thinks I've quit working, and I have. I'm never going back to that life!"
W&H: "I love hearing you say that!"
ML: "Do you really?"
W&H: "You have no idea. I'm glad I met you, and that's how I met you. Perhaps that was God's will? But I'm very glad you're out, and I'll help you make that permanent. I'm not trying to steal you from BF. I'm not trying to rent you as a hooker. I'm your friend, and that's probably all I will ever be. I'm ok with that. I'm not 'in love' with you. I love you 'as a friend'. Any more love than that risks me going off the deep end, and I can't afford that 'luxury'. Been there done that with GFs, including my hooker GF 30 years ago, don't wanna do that again. I need to keep myself under control to get your bills paid, buy you entertainment, and keep my transportation available to you to get your baby back. Even when your car is fixed, you and BF might need a second vehicle to get to work, or if it breaks down. I'm still your backup plan in case something goes horribly wrong with your dad, or you, getting custody of your baby. I want us to stay friends. And friends help friends...both ways."
ML: "I appreciate that very much. Thank you for all your help."
"W&H: "You're welcome. Your BF is stepping up, doing a good job working and staying clean. But not so much sober."
ML: "Yeah, I'm a little worried about that sometimes..."
W&H: "I worry too. That's why I like hanging out and driving you two, to protect you. He hasn't stepped up 100%. He only works a couple days a week. He's still married. He's gonna be paying most of his check in child support to his other kids, and taxes. I'm paying his child support for your son. He has no driver license, and that's expensive to fix. You can't risk having your car impounded if he's stopped by police. He wouldn't even have food stamps if I didn't drag him there.
ML: "He's the most loyal person I know. He would never cheat on me."
W&H: "I'd never cheat on you either, if you fucked me at least 3 days a week, and not use a timer!"
ML: "That's silly, nobody fucks more than once a week in a relationship."
W&H: "Ha. You just don't want your pussy wore out by 5 or 20 guys a week besides your BF. For me to be loyal, my girl would not fuck other men. And share other women. And be honest."
ML: "I require an open relationship."
W&H: "Yeah, open for you, closed for BF. I don't mind an open relationship, both ways. Maybe that's why he's an addict, getting sex only once a week while watching you fuck 50 guys over and over again?"
The Bachelorette Miss Lovely with her weekly stable of studs, creeps, pervs, fags, rapists, and potential serial killers
ML: "Uhhh, he stuck by me through everything. It was the addiction... I'm not in that business anymore! When he was dealing, he only gave me some to keep me from having to work, with all the risk involved."
W&H: "That's sweet. I understand completely. But he eventually made you pay in sex for his drugs. Your family certainly had a problem with him. And so did you."
ML: "Well... They're trying. Our visits are going better now."
W&H: "Good. Your family is helping, and now staying clean, but has not stepped up 100% either and you still need my help. Your family may never step up 100%. Most families don't. They are still trying to learn to trust you again. They want Tough Love, but that would break you and perhaps kill you. Which is ironic, since their pot use stopped them getting custody of your baby! They probably feel very guilty about that. I'm here to help you and your family rebuild that trust, without hurting you."
ML: "Thanks for that. My dad enjoyed meeting you. I know that was uncomfortable for you, as a former 'customer'."
W&H: "Yeah, I was afraid he wanted to kill me! But I hung in there, for you. Otherwise I'd never have found that letter while snooping in their kitchen, and you'd have been arrested the next day, and lost your baby, perhaps forever. I don't know why they didn't open that letter and see how important it is, and call you immediately. They should have. I suspect they just didn't want to know or get involved. So they forgot about it. Or didn't care anymore."
ML: "It's illegal to open someone's mail..."
W&H: "It's illegal to smoke dope, but he's got no problem there, even when he lost custody of your baby. He should've at least called you or delivered it to you, since it was a legal notice from a lawyer. Your dad is also afraid of your hardcore drug use bringing police attention to his recreational drug use."
ML: "Dad loves me, but he's scared of my drug history hurting his family. I'm starting to see that, not just with him, but everybody."
W&H: "Yeah, look at me lol, I found that out, while surrounded by addicts. That's why I'm so impressed with you, you actually wanted to quit and did everything you could to succeed, and you did succeed. Now I'm fighting for my 3rd of a $1,500,000 inheritance, trying to get my pets and property back. All because I was so scared for you I wanted you to take a little break and know who I am. We didn't even have sex."
ML: "That's not my fault!"
W&H: "No, but if you were not addicted and trying so hard to not be, and your doctor said you might die, I'd never have brought you there, not at that time. I'd have waited 'till the X wife moved out in a couple of months. I think you relaxed and enjoyed yourself, and I wanted you to. Right up to the point the shit hit the plan. "
ML: "Thanks for letting me meet your family lol."
W&H: "You're welcome, now I'll never see them again lol. You seem to have a powerful effect on people, it's very unusual."
ML: "I like being the center of attention."
Donkey Punch starring Miss Lovely, Anal Rape and Death by Choking...?
I understand why BF tolerates her 50 FWB$, because I tolerated them too! Every guy who fucks a hooker tolerates all her other customers, which is why so many customers resent, hate, abuse, rob, rape or kill hookers, because they never learned to share, or accept themselves. Miss Lovely has so many good qualities BF gets to enjoy every day and night, that would easily compensate him for his sacrifice. He willingly pays that price. She's an amazing woman, in many ways, with great qualities most women lack, and would kill for, and do.
W&H: "That's fine, except when addiction gets bad, drugs drive away good people and attract the crazies. 80% of your customers wanted anal sex! And worse."
ML: "I've had my share of crazies. I should be dead now. Without my baby, I probably would be."
W&H: "Yes, your baby saved your life. And They are illegally taking your baby away from you, which is very dangerous for both you and the baby. I was getting very scared for you, especially when your doctor said you would die if you tried to quit. I cried when I learned how sick you were, because you were hurting so much inside. I think you're an amazing person and I only want what's best for you. We're all under a lot of pressure, and we need to stay close to survive this. This month is the toughest so far, emotionally and financially. But we're hanging in there, getting the job done. It's been horrible, but my job is to stay calm and give you the stability you need to get through this with your baby. Your baby deserves a chance at a healthy normal life with loving parents."
ML: "Yeah, you've done a good job of that. I don't know what I'd do without you. I get stressed every time I think about it, if you weren't there for me, every day. Or if you hadn't gone to my dad's that day..."
"W&H: "You'd be in jail and never get you kid back, probably. We've been lucky, and we need to not depend on luck. Same if I didn't pay your child support, you might be arrested for contempt of court. You still need somebody watching out for you, every day. Everybody needs that. You're very resourceful with your friends' financial help, so maybe you'd have dodged that new arrest warrant?"
ML: "Yeah, that would've been horrible. Don't know if I could survive that. It might've killed me. I don't think anyone else wanted to help, without the sex. BF couldn't pay it."
W&H: "I'm not trying to replace your BF, even though I pay his child support too. So I'm keeping him out of jail as well. My brother did go to jail for that, accused of not working hard enough, so it's a risk. He gave you this baby which probably saved your life. Good for him. You probably need to stay together just for legal reasons right now, but only if he pays child support to his other four kids, and somebody pays for him to get divorced immediately. He keeps you entertained every day, and that's good for you. He's a funny guy. He keeps you warm at night so you don't die of loneliness, although I'd like that job too! He's working as hard as he can for you, a few days a week, and he likes doing that for you. I know he loves you, in his own way. I know you love him. I doubt either of you are 'in love' with the other. Just too many challenges, sexual, medical and financial, to stay 'in love'. Nobody could under that much pressure. I understand how tough it is on both of you and I do want to help both of you. You are both my friends."
ML: "Thanks for being my friend and putting up with BF. None of my other friends have done that. Not for long."
"W&H: "You're welcome. Hey, he let me fuck his GF, so that's good by me! lol"
ML: "I think he likes that I fuck other men. It doesn't seem to bother him." It does bother him very much, she just don't care...until now, with this legal mess. She's probably found her perfect mate...a perfect match for her 50 FWB$, no way to crack that nut. No way for me to compete, or anyone to compete no matter how much money they got. He can stay a deadbeat or addict and that's actually good for her, keeps him dependent, she can get all the money she needs from her FWFB, as I prove every day. When all my money is gone, spent on her, she hits speedial and instantly gets more $$$. He flew too close to her sun -- flameout -- crash and burnout -- the only love she will ever allow?
W&H: "Good for me! But that's when he was on drugs. Perhaps that's changed, or does the alcohol help him tolerate your open relationship? I don't know, so long as you stay off drugs and don't date so many men? I hope so...at least with me fucking you. Do you think he could ever accept me and you, now that you're both clean, and I'm a very close friend? But you still want to keep us secret?" (currently there's nothing to keep secret...)
ML: "Yeah, that's best. Everything is changing so fast. I'm so messed up." His denial, or hers? She really has a problem discussing her feelings and life, without major interview skillz.
W&H: "You're human, not supposed to be perfect. I'm fucked up too, and I appreciate all you've both done for me. You've really helped me survive a very difficult year. It's been a very interesting year! Thank you."
ML: "Maybe we're saving each other?" :-)
Eventually we wind up sitting in my car talking back at her place, almost like she's afraid to invite me inside, after her previous invitation to TAKE HER...and I did. Or she's just enjoying the conversation, since she has that beautiful smile on her face? Or she wants me to fuck her???
The last orgasm Miss Lovely had without masturbation, starring Whores & Hookers on Daddy's couch
No sexier subject than jobs and jails lol.
We talk employment applications and job interviews. At some point I had to drop the bomb that her name is online for an arrest. This is one of those bombs that big bad step-daddy punched her in the face for. She googled herself. There it was... She began shaking uncontrollably, her anxiety disorder raging, worst I'd ever seen. The end times of a lifetime of violent rapes and attempted murders by suspected serial killers. I felt her fear and despair, my ESP is syncing to hers. She realized this might cause her to lose her baby, forever (I doubt that). I was more concerned it would cause her to lose non-sexual employment opportunities, forever (it didn't, she got hired a couple days later, thanks to my help).
I talk her down off that cliff, she refused all PDA in public. Too many eyes from her niggas teaching BF to run pimp game and punch her in the neck. I'm just trying to keep her as sane as possible in an insane police state. We discuss legal options to censor the internet. All it takes is $$$, we don't have, as usual. Facing reality, one trauma at a time. She explains more details, it's worse than I thought. We can fix it, with time. She can fix it, with lot's of time. I'm sorry I don't earn more money, for now.
She invites me inside.
I don't lock the door..."BF will be home soon." It's all illusion. We talk about our "future" (or lack thereof).
I begin massaging her rock-hard neck. She melts... She really needs me to love her this way... BF won't...he'd rather punch it, punishment for fucking 50 guys over and over again, perhaps. My dick gets hard 12 inches from her face...I shift position as best I can so I'm not so obvious during this Platonic Moment. My PUA dick remains holstered. Easy close, but for tactical reasons I abstain. Cunt Tease.
"I want to fuck you now," I fuck with her. "I want to fuck you and touch you and kiss you, all the time."
"Really?" she acts surprised, but I know she needs it too. When she's with BF, she gets arrested and goes to jail. I do the opposite. The only reason she's not in jail this month with permanent loss of baby is ME. There is no more powerful turn-on, molested by an All Powerful Alpha Man. I'm the last dick she got banged into the hospital with. Eight weeks ago...
Depite her invitation, I get the very strong vibe this is not a good day for sex, no matter how desperately we both need it. New sex rules need to be established, for both of us -- time, location, days, but contact methods are severely limited. Opportunity is great since I see her almost every day, though that's changing... Also, running out of time today. Maybe I drop the ball here, and she secretly preferred I "take her" as she told me she wanted me to? Telling me "BF is on the way home," does that mean "Do me now" or not? I'm just getting too many screaming warnings, she's pushing me away too hard, she's under tremendous stress and I'm trying to relieve that not make it worse. She's been raped so many, many times, violently, I'm not willing to be accused of joining that club. I want her to want me...without joining her "friends" list of rapists and potential serial killers, no matter how much she says she "likes" that abuse. Maybe we just aren't compatable, clean and sober, feeling Real World stress without aid and comfort from chemicals? I've never even fucked the Real Miss Lovely, clean and sober, ready for multiple orgasms! I still want to fuck her every time I'm with her...the chemistry is definitely there, at least for me...but I want to fuck her mind and soul, too. I refuse hurting her, no matter how much she "wants" (tolerates) that and expects that from all her men. Her depression thing is a tough nut to crack, and a rapist would go for it, no hesitation, which might explain why she's been raped so many times? Sadness is a turn on to a predator, it's weakness, easy prey. I'm more of a guard dog. I make the Decision. Or maybe that depression shit is contagious? MAYBE I FUCKED UP REALLY BAD AND SHOULD'VE FUCKED HER, OR LICKED HER AND GOT MY HAPPY ENDING, AND CURED HER DEPRESSION. No better way to kill the mood than talk!
"Normally" Miss Lovely is the persuer, for the past year of our "relationship". Initially, she posted an ad online, I called, we set a time, we met, we fucked, then we clicked... Once I joined her 50+man roster, she began calling me, begging for a date to fuck, for dope money I soon discovered from her track marks and eventual confessions. I saw a beautiful happy young woman drowning in pain, sinking in poverty despite earning over $300,000. I was curious to know her story, she was happy to tell it, always for a price. But the price got more and more reasonable, and we spent more and more time together off-duty. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her, even with her dark sides of horrific abuse and depravity. She wanted desperately to escape and get clean for her unborn son, or she would lose him forever, and I loved that about her. Could I help her do that?
"When I helped you get clean, I always knew there was high risk of losing you forever. You needed those drugs for a reason. 'To feel normal' you said. To lower your bitchshield long enough to have sex, you said. To keep from murdering your customers, you said. Without the drugs, I suspected you'd go back to being the typical asexual mangirl, but in a hot body. Giving birth almost always makes women stop having sex, unless they have a natural orgasmic birth. Now your baby is stolen, and it's 1000 times harder on you." I'm fucked. Or not.
She gives me some of her usual BS, except what's really goin' on. Her nurturing self is murdered by the Police State. Totally incapable of offering a kind word or loving hope, who obviously never received the same, only a punch in the face or abandonment by daddys and mommys. A 22-year-old lil girl timewarped by 10 years of opiate OD isn't the most self-aware human being. I want to help my friend.
"Clean and sober -- I'm lost," she says. No shit.
"No problem, I knew this would happen. I'm ready for it. But it still hurts. I've given you everything I love to save your life during this emergency, and there's nothing left for me. You won't touch me, or fuck me, or hug me, or tell me you love me like a friend. Not even a sext. I miss that. I need that to stay sane and keep helping you. There's no money left to hire or chase anyone for backup love and talk and touch." I was counting on you. Gambling on you. Saving your life, when even your doctor says you should be dead.
"I'm really fucked up. I need my baby!"
"Yes I know. I'm doing everything I can to help you get your baby back." I'm the only one actually fighting for her... I'd hoped more people would step up... Wish I could do more...
After a half hour of this shit, we both feel a lot better. By now I'm massaging her legs and removing her shoes and socks... God I love doing this... Her hands and feet are so soft! Because she's so lazy she never does anything lol....her men do it all.
Her shakes are gone... thanks to talk and touch...no phamaceuticals required. God's Cure. My cure.
"This is how we finished our first date and fuck one year ago, with you showing off your beautiful manicure and pedi, and me massaging both as we relaxed and talked. I'd never done that with any other girl. If you'd have me, I'd be happy to do this every day for the rest of our lives..."
BAM close.
"I want to give you a massage for my Xmas present," Miss Lovely promises.
W&H: "I love your happy endings!" THE FROWN (lol)
ML: "Not one of those!"
W&H: "You can't stop yourself sucking my cum every time you do that to me!"
ML: "No I don't!"
W&H: "Yes you do, I've a got a photo here on my cellphone of you doing exactly that. Look..."
She blushes and giggles...
W&H: "I promise to give you a massage too, as my secret present to you." That was too easy.
ML: "Thank you, I'd love that very much!"
Miss Lovely maneuvered me perfectly. She's the sexpert.
W&H: "Is BF invited for our massages?"
ML: "NO," shaking head...
My massages include free oral orgasms as Miss Lovely loves
"So what happened to our contract to start fucking again this week? You said I could be your First... One day every week... Standard BF contract, without all that monogamy..."
Miss Lovely and I have a date with a new couch
She speaks bullshite. Exactly what I expected. Normal response by a "normal" female to this exact situation. Normal is BORING. I love that she's finally normal, just gotta fix that depression! At least her feet feel nice.
No touching of me, of course. She's dead inside. Depression kills...my goal is to prevent that. Hey, I've had depression when I was her age, and no 18 year old hottie could get my dick hard no matter how hard she tried. It wasn't her, it was me, pining over my First Love breaking up with me, and fucking her new FWB in the backseat of my new car...that's what always happens when you fall 'in love'.
Miss Lovely is diagnosed post-partum depression, post-kidnapping depression, plus anxiety disorder from suspected dissociative identity disorder, with multiple personalities formerly switching via opiates (anethesia for gatekeeoer?), tickles (childhood alters?), or massage (integration healing of alters by loving touch is standard treatment for DID). What appears to be psychopathic or narcissistic behavior is often mistaken for DID, and both are the result of PTSD from severe abuse in childhood (DID = younger, psychopath = older?). Doctors like drugs and voodoo to "treat" (profit from) DID FOREVER until death.
A "Tester" is defined as a girl who dates many men, seeking to make "one perfect superman" out of this collection of men. The PUA world believes promiscuity of a Tester is a survival instinct to lessen PTSD trauama of severe sexual assaults -- "sex is meaningless, therefor the abuse is meaningless and has no effect on me" -- while keeping all memories intact for recall without the need for DID. Sluts need to fuck around to survive, literally, to avoid going "insane". Having many men lowers their anxiety and they feel more secure. Trying to date only one man raises their anxiety level, especially when her man or men can't or won't pay all her bills. Testers often work as strippers or hookers. Even college student Testers can fuck 100s of men in just a couple of years, no payment required (often their "slut phase"). Testers are not "bad" people, just ordinary people who suffered extraordinary abuse, and are living the script God gave them. Testers can turn into "Investors", who eventually "settle down" and focus all their love on one man, spending their life trying to "fix" him (once "fixed" they dump him!). As for Miss Lovely, when she first told me about the long-term violent rapes at age 6, she did so in the voice of a sad little child...Tester or DID? I wish I could protect her from her ghosts...
Miss Lovely's Vixen
Is her "lesbianism" a male alter, to protect her from her history of violent lesbian rapes, rapes that also may have had many enjoyable moments? That's very confusing for rape victims.
"No, the lesbian rapes when I was 6 were never enjoyable. I was terrified. There was never any 'playfulness' to it. I was tied up gagged and threatened with death!" No, not a turn on, but explains why she now "feels no emotion" when fucking her 50 men. OMG
"I'd make a great man," she often says. She certainly seems a different person when we go to strip clubs to play with her girls, no interest in we men whatsover...like we don't even exist. Maybe it's just a standard attitude of all strippers going to work, but I don't think so? It's quite disturbing, actually...so I focus 100% on the other strippers just to stay sane. I prefer going just the two of us...will that ever happen again?
Later she's texting to her other male "friend" about ordering 3-way takeout from her fav lesbian stripper Vixen...texting pictures from the club's web Fuckbook...while pushing me away... "No, I'm not fucking him...now." Not yet. (BTW Vixen don't do takeout, just brings girls home, which I'm sure Miss Lovely would have no problem with. Apparently no way for her "friend" or me to to rent her time with Miss Lovely. I'm in the market for a nice new lesbian, low mileage...)
Or, she's just a spoiled brat, in need of a good spankin?
Miss Lovely says she wants to do this with ME
Rather than give up and quit on her, I'm trying hand-to-foot rescucitation for instant relief. She needs dick-to-cunt first aid STAT. PUA love to the rescue? If abusive sex causes DID, does loving sex cure DID...?
Then there's the preggie weight not falling off as fast as she wanted, no breast-feeding allowed by Big Brother, so her normal tool to lose weight is stolen from her. She's under WAY too much stress. Her high self-image is taking a pounding... "That's a New Year's resolution" to stop eating junk for stress relief (she's making progress on that already, thanks to my adrenaline kick the next day). She's still beautiful...and very sexy. We can have a lot of fun working that weight off, one way or another!
"You know what I like very much about you?" I ask.
Her Smile...
"That you accept me for fucking callgirls. That's so cool! You know they're just people. It's just dating, but more honest. I wasn't married when I met you, so I wasn't cheating on a wife. I was amazed you wanted to fuck me, and I asked you if I were too old for you, literally asking your permission as a callgirl. You checked me out, and smiled, then gave me some of the best sex I've ever had. I accept you too, just the way you are, or were. Whatever that may be, now. lol. You know the secret of how to get 50 men to want to fuck you every day, and pay you. I know the secret how to get dozens of hot young women who want to fuck me every day, for a price. We are equals. We accept each other and respect each other, and we can both walk away from that life if we want, for a price. I only go that route when sex with my significant other is off the table, since it's so much more work and risk, and just throws money away. So can I fuck other girls now?"
ML: "Sure. Go ahead." Too quick to answer... She don't care about me, I guess. Unless she's lying...
REWIND: ML texts me back almost immediately at 2am... A pat on the back or...?
ML: "i jus want u to know that while fucking Sabrina dont expect anything from me. i think that shes gross. n if ur gonna be involved wit her, thats cool but dont write back BF will wake up. u can write online. we are ok:-) have a good night...try to get some sleep."
W&H X fuckbuddy stripper Sabrina
Except she don't like me fucking hookers NOW. Especially when I'm friends with them. Especially when she has to watch Sabrina give me a lapdance, then a big hug. Married BF don't fuck hookers...is that really his advantage, since he was fucking a callgirl named Miss Lovely, and tried to fuck who she brought home (failed to fuck on drugs, same with his current wife so she fucked around then left him and the kids)? Pimps don't fuck hookers either, they just take their money. Drugs are a no-no, which includes 90% of all hookers, fair enough in her current legal situation (I agree). Does she love me, like a friend? Then she needs to step up and save me...like I'm saving her...before it's too late.
Smiles. Is she horny for my dick, tongue and soul? I shoulda asked...as if I didn't know. I was first attracted to her kind and loving touch, and her kindly soul...very unusual for an escort, at least what a customer is allowed to see. Is she attracted to the same in me? Is she losing that loving touch, every day without her baby? Is her warm heart freezing cold?
Time to stop touching before our game becomes BF's PDA. Is she really so afraid he'll run back to his trailer park and kids? Would that really be so horrible? I'd be happy to sleep in "his" bed and fill "his" pussy... I've already told her, an open relationship is ok with me. I can share with her friends, but only when they don't hurt her. Our problem is I need that 2-way not 1-way, and share any ladies involved. I need that freedom to be able to work and earn enough money, rather than go nuts from jealousy and loneliness. Miss Lovely don't like those odds, too much risk she thinks, for her, I respectfully disagree. Security is what's she's looking for, so why choose an addict who's now a binge drinker, who risks losing her baby with every binge? All it takes is one arrest or surprise urine test. He won't even pay child support on any of his 5 kids...hopefully that will change very soon. I'm pushing him hard to do that lol. I know Miss Lovely believes it's very important for her son to have a daddy, something she never got. I respect that, that's why I'm helping both of them. That don't mean she has to stay sad and broke, either...
I forget what happened next. Musta been boring. Of yeah, BF arrives from work, didn't like me sitting on "his" couch with "his" girl showing off her kiddie photos and high school yearbook as Top Hottie. (The couch I paid $100 to transport, my $20 blanket.) Not that I don't love doing all that, but fucking has to be a part of my day, before or after I enjoy the other. Why settle for crumbs when starving, when a feast of Life is right in front of you, for free, every day? Death by starvation is not a fun day.
I drive them to buy me pizza and I buy a boring movie. Such a date with friends would be awesome, if honesty and sharing were allowed. Otherwise, it feels like slow death by torture. I hope Miss Lovely enjoys our movie dates, and I hope it helps her survive this train wreck. The "train wreck" her "asshole friends" personally warned me about many months ago, AND THEY RAN AWAY FROM. I'm more of a Good Samaritan, running towards that train wreck to rescue victims. That's why I do it. For her. She deserves it.
But celebacy, no personal texts, and no PDA is very tough on me. And very tough on her. And tough on BF. We're a team, whether we like it or not, just trying to survive the next 12 months of legal bullshit to get their baby back, get their lives back. There's still a lot of expensive work to do, for both of them, to fix ALL their legal shit. I'm willing to help both of them, if they will let me. But I can't afford to do it, financially and emotionally, if they won't help me.
Which is why ML is working fast to get a regular job and get her car running... No need for me then? I'm working and paying hard to make that happen for her asap. Goodbye......my best friend. (She starts her new job this week, thanks to my driving and pushing her to apply against her will...no good deed goes unpunished...?)
"God, please let Miss Lovely and BF agree to an open relationship, with me. No more lies, no more secrets. I promise to not hurt her, or take over her life. Or please send me another GF. Or a bunch of fuckbuddies. Or hookers. Amen."
What if the key to escaping the Friend Zone is in your wallet?
TO DAY
I've lost track of how many times today I've driven Miss Lovely and BF across town, or this week, while her abandoned car is being resurrected halfway by Daddy -- I get to pay the other half. Essential stuff, to visit her stolen baby, for the maximum few minutes allowed by the homicidal baby-killin Lawman. I'm happy to do that, it's the only drug she needs and the only drug she wants. Her baby needs her for both to survive. I'm doing shit her daddy should be doing, perhaps because he hates her BF? Or he don't trust her yet? Or his own (former) drug use has him paranoid she's being watched? Same for BF, I'm doing his job, but he gets the girl? Is Miss Lovely so broken she can't count and keep score? Or is this typical post-partum depression, post-kidnap depression? At any rate, I'm taking up the slack, for free.
She shoulda already gotten temp custody with her parents today, but The Gubmint has refused to file the paperwork -- official excuse given: Govt is too lazy.
I get The Call. And texts. She and BF need a ride. Implying Without Me invited. Lovely. Sounds about as much fun as dope runs, hopefully without risk of jail...
Negotiate gas money, from BF. Arrive at her place, the place I got her. The place I paid for appliances and furniture and electrics and Xmas tree and presents. The place her married BF deadbeat dad is not on the lease and pays no rent. At least he quit threatening to punch her in the back of the neck for his niggas in da hood. I shut that shit DOWN!
Invited inside for 5 minutes. I'm just furniture, with an engine and wheels. I don't exist. I must be punished for blowing all my money keeping her out of jail and not losing her baby forever... Fun times. No XOXO. Have to keep BF "in the dark" about our non-affair. Her 140 I.Q. can't face the rocky horror that he reads every text, every email and probably every blog post. He's not as dumb as she thinks he is...or she just don't care.
At least I got 2 minutes privacy while drunk BF is in the shower. Woohoo (yawn). We discuss our social contract for mutual platonic massages for our real Xmas gifts to each other.
"Where are we having this massage marathon?" I inquire, like a puppy watching his owner abandon ship. "Your place or mine?"
"I hadn't even thought about that!" she non-enthused. As in she doesn't think about it, at all.
Rather than emo, I'm thinking about my other plans for the evening. After 30 years of X marriage, I've learned the secret to survival in a sexless emotionless void is finding a fuckbuddy...NOW.
BF exits shower, gets ready fast. Not wanting to socialize with the guy who fucks "his" GF far more than he does. His new drunken contract is taped in chickenscratch on the wall -- sex three days a week so long as he actually works a job. Guess my last post kicked his ass, more than a lil bit. I certainly have no problem with ML fucking him as much as she wants...but it's not up to me. Too bad intoxication voids any contract...as I advised Miss Lovely on the intricacies of drunken contract law. Too bad he didn't just earn it, where she volunteered it. Which is how she ended up spending the nights with me.
"Do you need to pack your breast pump?" I remind.
"That's all dried up now," after only 6 weeks, thanks to psycho Big Brother.
"I've still got some in my freezer, you can use when all this is over. Kickstart the immune system, again. So what did you do with all your breastmilk?"
No answer... Probably sold it to perv niggas in da hood, in exchange for non-necessities, as BF joked previously. Beats having to work for his booze and smokes. He can't let baby have mother's milk and immunity. I think bad thoughts. Maybe they just poured it down the drain? Yeah...that's it. Wouldn't want to waste money and freezer space on plastic bags...
We pile in my car, BF clutching his supersize babybottle of vodka. Next stop, likker store, more vodka. He brags he was drunk walking to work this week at 9am...after punching a hole in her door. That's a great thing to be arrested for in his current legal climate. Prolly the same at 9am for church tomorrow...that'll impress Daddy... Drunk BF must remind her of drunk stepdad, who punched her nose bloody. More drunks and hos in church than your average whorehouse....time to go to church!
Tonight he called her a "whore" under his breath...the word he forbids me to use. Ha. I called him out on it. I just like the sound of it lol. So does Miss Lovely, especially when fucking me. "It's a term of endearment," I say. His denial took a major hit...sanity just rose in the rankings. Sobriety is a Whore Bitch -- my X wife's name for Miss Lovely lol. Unfortunately, he now calls her "hooker" in public, loudly...WHERE SHE WORKS AND SHOPS WHILE IN UNIFORM...and she's trying to claim she's never having sex again with any customers (or friends?)...me included? She does still accept cash "gifts" from former customers...is that all I am now, a former customer/sucker giving her cash gifts every day, not a friend helping a friend?
"You're not a whore," I tell her. "Just a girl who hasn't found Mr. Right yet." Or perhaps she has and don't know it yet? Which is why BF keeps telling her I'm too old for kids...his ticker will quit long before mine, on a diet of booze, Red Bull and nicotine...no vitamins.
BF enters his store to purchase denial. He wants Numb, she wants Life?
On a side project, I ask Miss Lovely who strangled her. She refused to give him up... We need to work on that! Serial killers never make good lovers...at least not for very long.
Miss Lovely playing with her Secret Friend
Backstory: Without permission, he choked her unconscious, as she flailed wildly, increasing his sick pleasure. Until she bit him, saving her life?
W&H: "Good for you!!!"
ML: "It's just a misunderstanding, a fetish. Some people like that. It increases pleasure during orgasm." A fetish requires preapproval and a Safe Word. This was something else...
Whose orgasm, hers that her customers never give her...or his? Some people like dope money more than life itself.
W&H: "Yeah, a lot of them are dead."
ML: "We're friends now."
W&H: "When was the last time you saw this 'friend'?"
ML: "About halfway through the pregnancy."
Good, he almost killed her baby, too. I think bad thoughts. Murder is murder. Sexual assault is rape. Stupid is as stupid does. Justifiable homicide is legal.
W&H: "What's his name?"
Silence... I'm getting more of that lately...
BF prolly knows who The Strangler is... Might pay him a visit? It wasn't BF, was it? Or him too? He's a follower, not a leader, so he probably started choking her, too, trying to "keep up" with her homicial customer... I do recall her saying something about him liking that...then I warned them that could cause thyroid damage she's diagnosed with. Darwin Award.
BF returns with even more booze. That's a good investment while I'm buying babyshit to impress Daddy today. And paying his child support. What a fraud. I'm a ghost. At least it's 100% legal.
My Mission tonight: Celebate taxi driver for Miss Lovely and BF to spend the night at a party I'm not invited to. I'm the platonic backdoor BF, can't let her friends n family know I exist lol. She's the only one who don't see it. Reality is staring her in the face. Even her family tried to get her to see my light. They're none too thrilled with their "deadbeat drug-dealin pimp" (Daddy's words). To get baby back, maybe everyone needs to suck it up, temporarily, for the baby? Or is that the path to destruction? It's a risk, for sure, inviting a strangler into your home...
:-(
Miss Lovely's lovely church uniform
She's wearing her whorepants...super-ripped jeans...yummy...trying to seduce somebody tonight, just not BF...or me...
I deliver the package. Get a swig of free courage. Say goodnight.
Miss Lovely goes into panic mode, again. "I need to know you will show up in the morning. It's very important I see my baby!"
"What are you afraid of? After all I've done for you?" Do you think you're shitting on me, and I'll retaliate? How many $1,000s have I "donated" lately, to keep her safe? All addicts in withdrawal play the cash-n-dash game. She passed on dozens of opportunities to hang out at my place this month. She had zero medical excuse for refusing safe sex after the birth, might even cure her depression. She could always tell BF to fuck off and spend the night with me...she's done it before. She asked me to move in with her, if she decided to kick BF out for his perpetual intoxication, a common problem now? "Is it me you don't trust, or yourself?" My inner therapist slaps her in the face.
"No I don't trust myself. I don't trust anybody." As my psychiatrist once told me, "You're not paranoid when they're really out to get you." Classic DID symptoms? Classic 22-year-old spoiled brat symptoms? Or premonition...
"Relax, you can trust me. I know you need this to relax. You need to talk shop about this Hell Road you're on. You need to spend as much time with your baby as possible and I'm gonna give that to you." Cause BF can't, or won't. He's too drunk. Or soon will be. Don't want her new friends to meet sugardaddy who gives her screaming orgasms while she whispers "I love you like a friend..."
"Okay........" She can't figure out what the fuck I am...an idiot, or........
Now if she's going to an all-night fuckfest without me, then, yeah, I'd see her point in me being pissed off, as celebate and frustrated as I am, and broke for saving her life. But hangin out with a bunch of drunken bores with nothing to do, then, no, I'm not upset. I've been to plenty of those already. Good fun if drunk enough, but not the same as fuckin.
Man, I'm really not gonna see much of her once I get her car fixed, and I pay her insurance and registration (I did drive her to get hired today, but part-time prolly won't pay for the car shit). Only when she needs a bill paid will I exist in her universe, just like any hooker, with or without the sex. I'm pulling Daddy's weight as well as BF's, I just can't let her fail because Daddy and BF are playing dicks. She just got boxes of free baby clothes from family (FINALLY! Where were they 6 months ago???), so today was my last opportunity to do that. It's what Baby is wearing to church tomorrow...BF got all the credit. As pathetic as it is, I'm happy to get to spend a few minutes with her tonight. I feel blessed by her annoying presence, like the father she never had, she's the adopted daughter I never had (who I'm fucking like Woody Allen only better lookin lol and none of that pedophile shit). I probably won't be gettin much more of that... Once she gets her car, and a job, I'll probably never see her again, unless she wants $$$ her other "friends" won't pay her. Orgasms, talking, 90-minute massages, jacuuzis, hugs and 3 hours of oral a week must scare the Hell out of her. We already do plenty of shopping at my expense, but there's many other things I'd love to do with her besides pay her legal bills to avoid jail. Will she use her new freedom to come visit me every day...? What's the odds of that?
I miss all my former friends from years gone by. Real People, functioning addicts, X male strippers, lots of hotties, some scary mofos, greedy lil Christians. My disability meant I couldn't keep up. Life pulls everyone apart. Now vitamins are kickin in. I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks. Time to make New Friends... Is it possible to find real friends? Real Friends actually ask how YOUR day went, how YOUR life is going, what do YOU need me to do for you...then DO it...because it makes THEM feel good. Sometimes, without asking. She's so young, but not too young to know what a friend is? Oh shit, I remember what an idiot I was at her age...she can't possibly be that stupid lol? OMG what if she is?!
I'm scheduled to pick them up at 9am to go to church and spend the day with Daddy. It's the only way she can touch her baby. Heartbreaking not just for her... It's all I can do to heal her today. Infinitely better than the deadly addictive drugs her doctor wants her on to line his pockets. Can't let Daddy pick her up after a drunken party not at her house, that's my thankless job. But ok for Daddy to see her wearing whorepants to church? Will BF get credit for that? Not that I have anything against whorepants.
Appropriate church attire
As her whatever I am, I woulda vetoed that selection. There's more appropriate attire for a Catholic schoolgirl. (In fact, she wasn't invited back to church the next week...coincidence? I need to take her shopping ASAP at Church Gurls R Us.) Jus more proof of anxiety disorder, depression and tunnel vision. Hope that shit ain't contagious.
Hopefully a night of drunken chillout with "ex" druggies in her same boat will therapize her? (Or trigger relapse...her alcoholic friends were later arrested and sent to jail.) Her first quarter day with baby in 6 weeks since the kidnapping...healing sucking chest wounds. Very Important Day. No way to have sex without it, seriously.
For me, feels almost as much fun as a dope run (sarcasm, but true), in fact, worse in so many ways... I remember why I love hookers. On dope. HIGHLY motivated individuals (until they burn out and go off the deep end). Why is that the only way women want sex on a regular basis? Fuck the Feminazis.
I wonder when I will see her again? If I will see her again...
Friend Zone from Hell, or Business Opportunity?
EPILOG
I'm no longer welcome in Miss Lovely's pussy, punishment for not affording a $5,000 lawyer and getting her kid before Day 1. Following her orders to seek temp custody don't count. Especially when I fight for her -- it scares her, she's not used to that. Has nobody ever fought for her, before me? All dogfights are scary BTW. Battles are brutal, or you aren't doing it right. My government job taught me that. Real Men are different from women.
I'm no longer welcome at Miss Lovely's parent's house, punishment for showing up parents and BF with logistical help, and fighting for her in court. But I did get more bonding time with Daddy than with my X father-in-law in 30 years of marriage. He's fun!
I'm not welcome at Miss Lovely's party, punishment for not buying her booze and a weekly lapdance. And not having a pussy. Keeping her out of jail and not losing her baby don't count under Hooker Math. Or she'd have to bring all her half-dozen closest "friends" she's "not fucking".
I'm not welcome at Miss Lovely's Baptist church, punishment for not getting my cum into her soon enough. I did give her plenty tho!
Fuck it, I go to church for the first time in 30 years. Not counting funerals. A Jewish country club next door. Rabbi's name was BF... It's a sign...
A couple of single hotties gravitate towards me and sit down. Cougars on the hunt, lookin fine. I enjoyed the local tradition of touching and feeling my neighbors... That's new! Along with the transvestite sitting next to me with manly manhands, but pleasant enough.
Religion itself may be insane, but it felt good to hang out with folks trying to do good, and lost souls trying to find themselves...or hook up.
I can't imagine the emotions trying to go through Miss Lovely's heart and soul today, for the first time reunited for a few short hours with her baby and Daddy, fighting the shame of church ladies who notice details, like stripper jeans and missing babymamas. Will her love win or lose? Will she survive? Will she thrive? Is she still lost in inner space? I hope she's overflowing with happiness and love. Babydaddy too.
I made lots of prayers:
God please help Miss Lovely and her family survive this ordeal and get their baby back NOW. Please heal their wounds with love. Thank you for breaking her addiction. Thanks for getting her out of the whore business. Please help me help her heal and grow stronger and feel safe. Please protect her from violence, and please crush those who hurt her, and grind them into itsy bitsy pieces of maggot meat.
God please help Sabrina heal her addiction. Please protect her from violence and arrest, and please crush those who hurt her. Please don't let her babydaddy bury her alive in the backyard.
God please protect my heart and soul and bank account, and please protect me from the evils of the world including the communist police state.
God please help me meet some hotties for playtime, and perhaps more. In church. Today. You know what I'm talkin about!
Amen.
"Visit went great! Thank u so much!!! Wow...that's good u went"
-Miss Lovely
My prayers were not answered...
DATE WITH A VAMPYRE
Just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse...?
A new twist to the drama...
Apparently, I cracked under pressure -- financial, intellectual, emotional, nonphysical, nonsexual, lack of time, too much time, work, life, family, secrets, secret rules, psychological warfare. Loneliness. My judgment was clouded, not at 100%, flying blind. I'm not perfect, I'm human.
One month without Miss Lovely making a visit to my home, except for sleeping in my bed with BF for a week, me on the couch. No "love" for me -- too many women see zero responsibility to love the men in their lives -- just plug and play a new one when the old one breaks down -- easy with 50 penises on speed-dial with cash-in-hand. I see my friend hurting so much, I had to try and help. It made it worse, if that's possible -- potentially much much worse...not just for her and her baby, but me, and my bank account for more legal bills...money we need to survive, that I need to survive.
In an Ideal World, I'd have tons of money to hire a lawyer for each of us on Day 1, with plenty of cash left over to buy girls or date them, while Miss Lovely goes off by herself to La La Land. She even gave me permission how cool is that?! But that's not the world I live in, not at the moment. I'm in it 100%, win or lose, Wide Open Throttle. I'm Alive.
I pulled the trigger. Shoulda waited and let Them fuck her over a little longer, or not cared and let Them have their way with her and her baby? I made a mistake. I underestimated the terrorists. Better yet, shoulda filed it on Day 1, but I was overloaded with work stress. I tried to take it back, by removing her safety net. Now she's in far more danger...nobody is standing behind her. For now.
Who thought a few words were so powerful? Especially when they'd been ignored for so long? Evil loves opportunity... The psychopaths come out to play... An army of them. They love this shit... They love crushing people...it's their job....it pays very well. They hate when their crimes are exposed, and secrets of winning her case are slammed down their throats, for even her crooked lawyers to see.
W&H: "Do you hate me?" Everyone hates me. Including me.
ML: (no reply, looks up, gestures wildly) Miss Lovely is amazingly cute when very very angry! But in a scary I'll-Cut-U-With-A-Knife-Kinda-Way... Glad I didn't give her that boxcutter she liked so much... She can't comprehend words when retaliations are nearly instantaneous.
Bitchshield at 100% power...bye bye lover?
She's been wanting an excuse to run away...emotionally, physically, sexually...I handed it to her on a golden platter.
Now I'm in the doghouse, perhaps forever... Emotionally, she's gone away, far far away, to a very dangerous place called Depression. She can cold fuck now to pay legitimate bills...no need for my money or me ever again...dozens of "friends" sexting for business ("friendship"). Zero sexts from her to me. She instantly turns away if I glance at her cell... I see her on the hunt, meeting new potential "friends" every day, she moves fast for the kill, leaving me in the dust. She makes no chase like that for ME. I respect that skill, but it kills me now. Trading one addiction for another? How dare I try to be anything other than a customer, to actually help, and sacrifice everything I love, for her. Goodbye friend.........good luck, happiness and fortune.
It feels like when I worked full-time with the X wife -- total lack of emotion, only death and hate. Just do the job. And we know how that turned out.
I hope this don't kill all of us. Should I give up and perhaps let her lose her baby and die, as her doctor said she would? As Big Brother says it wants her to? As her family and BF were willing to allow happen? She's a survivor, who was dying when I met her. Lifeguard school taught me a drowning victim will try to drown the savior, out of pure panic. Or the situation is so extreme there's no way for a rescuer to survive, and many don't. We were taught that sometimes it's required to let the victim die, if the rescuer wants to live... Some rescuers jump in anyway...
I don't want to hurt her by trying too hard and making it worse. Maybe I've already given everything I got? Maybe I've got nothing left to give her? Maybe she don't want me around her? Maybe it's time for me to go? Even her family told me to run and never look back, or I'd regret it (too late!).
Maybe I need to man-up and quit manbitching, tread water for a couple of weeks, start making money again, forget Miss Lovely except for giving away a little of my money for basic necessities, no sex, and just chase other bitches? That's probably exactly what she wants, just leave her in her loneliness and chasing her fake friends. She says she don't give a fuck. She obviously takes zero interest in me or my life, all my efforts make no impact on her happiness or "love for a friend", she complains I'm out of money with no legitimate job so why care about me (who pays all her bills), so why the fuck do I give a shit?
As my other nude lady friends say:
Sabrina: "You're a Real Man, standing behind your friend like that. Takes guts, doin The Right Thing. I respect that. Karma will pay you back."
Or kick my ass.
"Sometimes what seems an impossibility is only waiting for the right determined mind to give it permission to be possible ... Today my heart breaks for a lady who has had her child taken away by the state. The little boy was less than a week old. I understand it was the mother's choices but in a way it wasn't her choice at all but merely her only way to cope. So many countries treat addiction as a sickness. As a disease. But ours steals the sicks children and leaves them without hope. I don't understand why when the parent is willing and crying for help to change, they do not offer a remedy but instead make the brokenness that got them where they are even greater. As I have followed her story, she loves her new son. It's really unfair. The state should be trying to help the little boy and her mom stay together, whatever it may take. A temporary taking is understood but why not help the mother heal instead of making a beautiful little boy an orphan. :'((. I can't imaging someone taking my baby boy. It's so sad. Some people need help to get better and there's always an underlying reason for addictions. I've seen people with them over and over and all they really are doing is crying out in pain begging for someone to reach out and help them get out of the valley they've dug deeper by necessity... God please hold her heart and that little boy. I know some cases need to be this way because some people do not want to change or love their children, but she does. She had no way of knowing how much she would love her son until he arrived but then it was to late. They took him only five days after he got here. Both the son and mother deserve love. Have grace and mercy towards them. Bring healing swiftly and completely so this little boy can look up and see his mother when he smiles. :'(((. You are such a wonderful person for helping her fight to be better and trying to rescue her little boy and put them back together as it was intended. I'm not sure if anyone has told you but it is a courageous thing to love someone you've known for such a short time to reach out and stand bravely in such a heart breaking battle. My heart goes out to you for that. She is so lucky to have you!! :'(( deeply sadden...."
My Xmas Massage and Happy Ending or weekly fuck must be an impossibility now? She hates me? I don't even exist in her universe? She's broken, I can't fix her, she's gone? I'm an idiot?
I think I'll sell blood today for gas money for Miss Lovely. Tomorrow I must drive her starting her first day at her new job. Gotta survive the next 2 weeks until my Big Payday, and starting my New Job. Date with a Vampyre......
I'm alone. I suck?
Or, should I take her next time.......fuck this talking shit!
HAPPY ENDING
The next day
Miss Lovely texts me, "Thanks for the xmas gifts." She opened them early, without me invited of course. No Xmas for W&H this year, gave all my $$$$ saving Miss Lovely, her baby and BF from jail and Hell. Another lonely day and night. She's still furious with me, but she'll never speak it. She holds everything inside, both good and bad. "I feel no emotions," she says constantly, whether on dope or clean and sober. That's very weird, and very dangerous...depression, DID or psychopath?
The next day
Radio silence from Miss Lovely, no text replies whatsover. I'm not in her thoughts or minds. I was on call to drive her to her first day at her new job. I'm quite paranoid by this point, since her hate must be building. Certainly no texts of good news. My heart is crushing. Paranoia runs amok. Did she lose her kid because of me, as she said she would?! I try to focus on the most boring of ways to earn money, run errands, inspect gyms, do chores, clean house, visit crazy family, get likkered up. My life really sucks!
I send one last text offering a pathetic boozefest dinner n movie, or free drive to the strip club or random party I'm not invited to. It's the last text I will ever send her, I tell myself for the umpteenth time.
Finally a reply, a lil good news, got the job, gimme gimme gimme a ride n free booze, n I (me) must ditch my family in the middle of a movie. No I'm obviously not invited wherever they're going, but they're taking all my booze! Don't think she's angry at me, do you? I'm so worried about not-my-baby I agree to anything. Her punishment for my 100 hours of unpaid work and stress rescuing her baby in this failed attempt. Ditch family n eject in middle of movie, never done that before. I feel like it's an emergency, for me. Nuts huh? I feel so bad about maybe ruining her or her dad getting custody of her baby. I've gotta get my life back! Miss Lovely don't want me in hers, that's for sure, except when I'm catering to her every desire to fuck somebody else, or try to. I suck, just like my life.
"Hey, I'm just getting her back on her feet financially," I tell myself, buying my good karma, then I'll be free of her, and start living my life again. Without her, apparently? Or fucking 1 hour a week on her BF Plan? Or a lot more if I get My Plan???
I've actually got a lot of very serious shit to do, worth A LOT of money, instead I'm fucking around with Miss Lovely's penny mindfucks. She takes zero interest in any of my life. She's 100% narcissistic, like a small child, depressed person, or psychopath. Very dangerous to the financial success of whatever man is trying to join her life, or invite her to his (which cost me a half-mil and my family this year!). It takes a very strong man to stand his ground in such a storm of emotion (her non-emotion), and maintain his wealth. I'm not yet that man, but I try. I'm desperately searching for that holy grail, and spending almost every penny to find it. I'm on an adventure through Hell. Her family warned me...
I arrive and Miss Lovely walks straight to my car, first time ever, so obviously I'm no longer welcome in her home? BF follows, overnight bags packed. Another fun-filled evening for W&H!
Instead of her familiar frown, it's upside down. She's actually happy?! She gushes she just spent the afternoon with her baby(!) Xmas shopping! And temp custody has now been awarded to her daddy! My warpath didn't derail their reunion after all...did it speed it up? (probably but they'll never admit it to themselves?) She says thanks, she and BF love their Xmas presents. None for me. Even my fav Korean hooker at the AMP bought me xmas gifts (X wife spotted that instantly!).
Off to the likker store to buy more booze..."gotta numb the pain" of not being with baby tonight or tomorrow (and BF reading these posts?). But Sunday after church they get a full day with baby, at dad's. No more foster parents...but now the foster parents get visitiation!? They think it's their kid and they want to steal it? Better keep a close eye on them... Baby has a very important job of teaching Miss Lovely to love something besides herself, as BF wisely puts it (he's a smart guy in a very tough situation...love).
BF goes in to buy booze, I start to join him. Miss Lovely says wait, she wants to talk in the car. OK. I don't need that talk shit anymore. I'm done. If you wanna fuck me fine, or don't, I don't care anymore. Not gonna chase it. Too much wasted effort. Not very productive. A clear violation of the Rules of PUA for Tester Girls. As BF says, "How did I get this girl? I ignored the fuck out of her," while she fucked 50 other guys, of course. Plenty of other sharks in the sea...
I ask Miss Lovely if she read this blog post. She forgets how to move her lips and speak. What's that about? We can work on that?
W&H: "You can tell me..."
ML: "Yes," she admits softly. No further comment... Normally she critiques our posts. For someone who used her mouth to earn $300,000, remarkably few words come out of it. Will reading my emotions kickstart hers? Or just another lil white-girl lie, and she never read it...and somebody else did at 4am on Fuckbook...or they both did...... She did buy a shark folder for her baby court...
She raves about the Good Things Happening. I tell her I thought the End of the World was near, after her panic attack. She admits she may have over-reacted a lil. Perhaps she don't think I'm such a piece of shite? Other than hating me for being broke, selling blood for her gas money, and paying all her bills, and getting her free food, free rent, free psych care, free medical care that cures addiction and depression (Dr-prescribed vitamins she still won't take).
Drop them off at her New GF's house for an all-night drunken party/orgy? Maybe I'll be invited to the next one, she says, with a censored script I must adhere to... Goodbye. She throws a hug on me, thank yous. Smiles! Fuck that's better than I expected from the lack of texts, except for the no sex sucking part.
Off to the strip club she didn't want to go to (because ML presumed I was broke, and a whore's job is to abandon all friends who are broke). I spent the night hugging, talking and eating pizza with Vixen, Miss Lovely's fav lesbian dancer. Her sis is also an addict, can't spend time with her...too expensive getting robbed lol. We trade sad stories and sex stories. Good conversation with a sane person for a change! She has monogamous sex every day with her BF, with occassional sharing of ladies, once she got him trained to quit whining about jealousy -- none of that 1-day-a-week shit while she fucks 50 guys in rotation. She's very impressed with my 3-hours of oral a week for Miss Lovely, up to 1.5-hours oral per fuck. She gets off in 5 minutes clean and sober. Shared pizza with the mostly nekkid girls with tats. Sabrina gave me a hug and kiss, but was working the floor and avoiding me for being broke, or in case her BF walked in. Didn't even hug me goodbye or wave mid-hustle, trying to close a deal -- I admire that in a salesperson. She talks later...goin to jail soon, long visit for the crime of driving a car without a slave permit (same as Miss Lovely's BF!). Refused BF's bail to clean up. She's such a rebel. No bills, no work, no drugs to buy, free lesbians, no need to throw my gifts at her married BF. Don't want me to visit on her vacation, might see BF agin. Good, saves me trouble. I bet she looks cute in her slave suit.
On the way back home stopped for a cup o coco at the Waffler Shack. My preggie girl had her baby, not at work. She was on prescription subutex, so baby was born addicted, requiring 30 days detox in hospital with morphine. But that's legal, don't know if her baby was stolen...nobody knows...nobody cares...except me.
Home by midnight.
Gotta get up whenever I feel like it, to cater to Miss Lovely's whim. Once upon a time, she made time for me...lot's of time... Time she has forgot?
Goodnite Gentle Reader...sleep tight...hug the pussy next to you, even if it's a cat.
I dream about a young model I met at a photoshoot with Miss Lovely, divorced MILF, posting on Fuckbook how she's a "whore slut wanting rough sex"...we enjoyed our messagings and made a future date.......hopefully for rough sex.......with my gentle twist.
Xmas Shop
I pick up Miss Lovely and BF from their drunken party / martital tiff / almost-orgy. Or potential lesbian love-fest, actually. Which was Miss Lovely's plan all along, apparently. She tells how her wifey friend couldn't stop holding her hands and telling her how lovely she is, under the influence of intoxicating spirits. They almost called me for emergency evac last night at the bikini club, when the boxing match began, for fear of arrest harming their baby reunion.
Disscuss my visit to the girls at the club, and Vixen's fucking her BF daily, compared to ML's one-a-week mercy fuck for BFs. "She only fucks her BF, so probably no takeout available," I note. "But I'm sure you could fuck her," at her house, sharing her husband, I advise Miss Lovely. BF loves hearing that, I'm sure (sarcasm), because I feel the same way. "You have 50 guys on speed-dial begging to suck and fuck anytime you want, so you must keep your pussy from getting worn-out by BF," I didn't say. But I thought it... The "love you like a friend" is wearing a little thin? Showed her my cell pics of Vixen on stage (taken with her and club owner's permission), not that fake shit plagerized by her other "friend" with benefit$. Had to rub it in lol.
Take them Xmas shopping for their 5 kids. Not much money -- government took it all -- but it's a start. Beats buying dope! She's happy, something I've not seen for 6 weeks, since her baby was stolen at gunpoint. The Depression is starting to clear, like a ray of sunlight shining through clouds during a thundstorm. She's a beautiful thing...
I got a card from both of them with $10 gas money, thank you, covered the vodka I gave them last night. Every little bit helps. No mention of Miss Lovely's promised massage...BF too close? Did she forget, or change her mind? Nor her promised once-a-week-fucking...
Am I her real friend, or just her biggest sucker? I wish I could afford to do so much more for her...sex or not. Am I in her Friend Zone, her Fuck Buddy Zone or her FWB$ Zone? Was this month just another cash-n-dash, where friendship never exists for addicts? You never know about a lady with 50 dicks on speed-dial, possibly reduced to 5 friendly dicks in love with her, all begging to pay her cash for her time. Or is it now between only BF and myself, to duke it out in the arena of love and war? Or am I lost in Asshole Zone, as she goes full monogamy with BF? Do I care?
Watch a boring Man Movie. "It needs popcorn and candy," to keep the lady entertained she says. Good to know. BF falls asleep, musta been a rough night, drinking vodka and watching "his" lady put the moves on wifey, but not him. I know how he feels. She wandered drunk through the dark neighborhood and played hide and seek in the house, hooking up with who? Not me, that's for sure.
When alone for a minute, I give her a hug. She hugs me back a little bit...part hug, part shrug...BF way too close? Or I'm way too close...
"You being clean off dope, out of the Business, out of jail and with your baby is the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten," I try not to mush too much. It's true, and it feels good. Not much reply. Too bad I can't say the same about Sabrina.
She may feel zero emotion, as she says, but I do, and I'm glad I do. I'm alive. Not dead yet. BTW I've already seen her show every possible emotion, so perhaps she means she feels zero emotion for me, except when angry, sad, happy, sexy, silly, saying "I love you as a friend" while cumming uncontrollably.
This real gift is better than temporary shit from Chinamart. I know how hard it was to achieve, and it took an extraordinary team effort to overcome extreme obstacles. From so many I've talked to, we achieved the impossible. There's no guarantees in life -- I learned that from Miss Lovely meeting my X family of addicts. Addictions and sanity are something my family failed miserably at, no matter how much money they had, and the money bleeds out fast when they don't. I hope to survive the privilege of seeing how this love story turns out...
:-)
Beware, there be dragons...
A Team
by Ed Sheeran
White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes
Burnt lungs, sour taste
Light's gone, day's end
Struggling to pay rent
Long nights, strange men
And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream
The worst things in life come free to us
Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And she don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland
And sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
Angels to fly
Ripped gloves, rain coat
Tried to swim and stay afloat
Dry house, wet clothes
Loose change, bank notes
Weary-eyed, dry throat
Call girl, no phone
And they say
She's in the class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen
But lately,
her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream
The worst things in life come free to us
Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And she don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland
And sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eyes
And hoping for a better life
This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line
And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
They scream
The worst things in life come free to us
'And we're all under the upper hand
Go mad for a couple grams
And we don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland
And sell love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
Angels to fly
To fly, fly
For angels to fly, to fly, to fly
or angels die
"Daughters"
by John Mayer
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]
"Let Her Go"
by Passenger
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
"Waiting For Superman"
by Daughtry
She’s watching the taxi driver, he pulls away
She’s been locked up inside her apartment a hundred days
She says, “Yeah, he’s still coming, just a little bit late
He got stuck at the laundromat washing his cape”
She’s just watching the clouds roll by and they spell her name like Lois Lane
And she smiles, oh the way she smiles
She’s talking to angels, counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She’s dancing with strangers, falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up
In his arms, In his arms
Waiting for Superman
She’s out on the corner trying to catch a glimpse
Nothing’s making sense
She’s been chasing an answer
A sign lost in the abyss, this Metropolis
She says...Yeah, he’s still coming, just a little bit late
He got stuck at the Five and Dime saving the day”
She says...If life was a movie, then it wouldn’t end like this
Left without a kiss
Still, she smiles, the way she smiles, yeah
She’s talking to angels, she’s counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She’s dancing with strangers, she’s falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up
In his arms, In his arms
She’s waiting for Superman
To lift her up and take her anywhere
Show her love and climbing through the air
Save her now before it’s too late tonight
Oh, like a speeding light
And she smiles
She’s talking to angels, she’s counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She’s dancing with strangers, she’s falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up
In his arms, In his arms
She’s waiting for Superman
To lift her up and take her anywhere
Show her love and climbing through the air
Save her now before it’s too late tonight
She’s waiting for Superman
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