Sunday, August 25, 2013

Captain Fuck-A-Ho

"I want to take a vacation in a loonybin. Will you come with me?"
-Ho addict to Whores & Hookers after her second dope run of the day after being robbed during her first dope run and losing all her work profit, again

FYI CYA...and why would you want to destroy a Good Thang? Just pay da bitch and fuck her as much as you want! Or pimp her out, one way or another. Then dump her for the next Young Thang. Plug and Play. Word. (But if you want to tip her afterwards with food, vitamins, clothing, beauty appointments, taxi service, household items, employment contracts, assist with government benefits like free food and free housing, buy her lube so her deadbeat BF won't rub her raw before your appointments -- anything that theoretically can't be pawned for dope -- then more power to you.)

"When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, 'Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have dchildren of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.' So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. And the Lord said to him, 'Call his name Jezreel, for in just a little while I will punish the house of Jehu for the blood of Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of the house of Israel. And on that day I will break the bow of Israel iin the Valley of Jezreel.' She conceived again and bore a daughter. And the Lord said to him, 'Call her name No Mercy, for I will no more have mercy on the house of Israel, to forgive them at all. And the Lord said to me, 'Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.' So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech1 of barley. And I said to her, 'You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you. My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you.'"
-Hosea 1-4, Christian Bible

Ho.
Abreviated: 'ho' (hooker) for Hosea
-Whores & Hookers Suburban Dictionary

captain save a hoe
Derived from a 1993 rap song by rapper E-40 about the adventures of a Financial savior to underpriviledged inner city hood rats.
A golddigger's dream. A man that will drop dimes on you (i.e. get your hair and nails done, take care of your childroes, pay your bills)
A man that does this is usually Captain Savin'
Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's plane!
Wus that foolz name
Captain Save A Hoe man
The phrase was popularized by from that e-40 song to refer to a dude that plays the role. buy girls shit, gives them money and eats the box execively. Mean while she uses his ass for all that shit. Dude falls in love to soon. shit like that
"Its a bird its a plane what is that niggas name captain save a hoe, hey" -E-40-
or
The guys keeps buying flowers for that girl he just meet. What a Captain save a hoe mother fucker
A hope dreaming, good nature, and god fearing individual who goes through thick and thin to save a Hoe from the sins they have indulged in.
Jay: I love her to death, my heart belongs to her and I can see my life going places with her. I just want her to see that her past should be left behind, and she should start a new life with a man who actually cares. I know she done some things, but she can be forgiven.
Tyler: ....I know you not trying to save-a-hoe.
-Urban Dictionary

[Hook: E-40 and 'Hoes']
Ah is a, Ah is a, Should I save her?
I want to be saved!!!!

[B-Legit] It's 1993 and niggas need to miss me be savin' these hoes
You know how these tricks we be buyin' 'em clothes
Wanna taxi hoes on vogues with the beat
And have 'em sittin' next to 'em in the front seat
But not B see I'm a hog up out the V
And my motto is fuck a ho and hit the throttle
To the smoke talkin' on my Okie doe
World wide I got a clydes up in Tokyo

[E-40]
Look up in the sky it's a bird it's a plane
What's that nigga's name?
Captain save a ho, mayne!
More faster than a speeding bullet
To put on his cape and scared
I put the fake the fake the funk the funk
To me that's not the way to do it
Captain muthafuckin' Save a Ho game to me
Flexin just like a little ol' bitch
All up in front of my company
Had to check his ass with an ear check dump and pumpin'
Talkin' to him while I'm beatin' his ass
Pumpin' fear talkin' bout nigga you gone retrospect somethin here

[Hook: E-40 and 'Hoes']
Ah is a, Ah is a, Should I save her?
I want to be saved!!!!

[D-Shot]
Mr. super trick Mr. super snitch
Yeah, you wanna kill me cuz I fucked ya bitch
You should've had your cape on tight that night
Cuz a nigga like the Shot sho plugs 'em right
And now yo bitch is straight callin' me lovin' me
On the under for the porno star that I be
And don't you come in my face with that trick shit
You better try some more shit

[E-40]
I got the gift to grab any bitch
That I want but I don't
Cuz bitches now a days will get you caught up in some funk
Oh no, I'm not tryin' to save you hoes 'n
How come when I was broke you wasn't brown nosin'?
The other day you see me smobbin' down magazines
With some ol' nigga in your car lookin' at me mean
I stopped in the middle of the street
Reached under seat to grab my heat
Man that's the same motherfucker
That I got into it with at the club last week

[B-Legit]
Man them niggas can't fade
They bith made
And so they start
But niggas with no heart
Don't want no part to this
Nigga rollin' with the Funk Mobb
And when it's funk
The pump will spit them double laws
So what you doin' when we roll through you hideout
I let my mack get off and then I rides out
With your ass there smokin' like an incent
You savin' hoes nigga and that's bitch shit

[Hook: E-40 and 'Hoes']
Ah is a, Ah is a, Should I save her?
I want to be saved!!!!

[Suga-T]
I'm crossin' up niggas and bitches
And even snitches just for my riches
Captain Save A Ho
I ain't got no problem with that ol shit
I gives a damn as long as he's payin'
It ain't my fault because he's sprung off my land
I'm cashin' GA checks, go to the bank Hank
If your breath stank, you get ganked main
Long as a trick comes fallin' down
That gets me all upset to put on my suit and clown

[E-40]
But make that nigga take care your kids
Make that nigga call your kids his
Make that nigga get out there and work
Make his ass buy you a Brinun Burk
It's all part of that nigga take care of me
Pussy whipped nigga come save me
Bitches out there be on the look out
For Captain save a ho
Cuz he's savin hoes

[Hook: E-40 and 'Hoes'] x4
Ah is a, Ah is a, Should I save her?
I want to be saved!!!!

I want to be saved!!!! (x4)

[Captain Save a Ho]
Fuck that what they talkin' about
I save a ho yeah
Yeah baby, what's up you wanna get your hair done
Come on let's go down to Lee and Kim Nail's
We can get your nails done, get your hair done
What about your kids? How many kids you got? Two?
Ah, yeah that's cool we can go feed and clothe them kids
We can go down and get the hook up at Durant Square
Yeah baby I do anything for ya
Want you phone cranked on, I can get it cranked on to my name
Matter of fact I'll get you a cellular phone and a pager
We can get that package deal down there at Cellular One
Baby I'm here for you I got you


The Harsh Truth: Why Men Love To "Save" Promiscuous Women

BT Tabatha McGurr
Complex.com

Growing up, I was always told by voices of reason that there was no such thing as “turning a hoe into a housewife,” but it’s amazing how many dudes are willing to put their pride and ego aside in hopes of rescuing the ideal woman. This sort of thing happens to ladies all the time—we come across a guy with an insatiable sexual appetite and mysterious persona and suddenly want to be the one to change him. Sadly, all girls in said circumstance have realized the hard way: you can’t change someone set in their ways. The same thing happens to men when they spot that prized female with the extensive track record and try to throw limitations on her. Cuffing doesn’t exist in the world of Captain Save-a-Hoe’s. If you’ve been guilty of falling for these types or know someone in a similar situation, here are a few reasons why men are constantly on the prowl for the promiscuous...

YOU LISTEN TO TOO MUCH DRAKE

Life isn’t a fucking song on the Take Care album. Aubrey might have some of you dudes fooled into thinking that exclusivity with an in-demand dime is possible, but that doesn’t mean you can trick that broad into feeling the same way. Hot women aren’t oblivious to their appearance—they know they look good and that guys want them, so seeing all of the different offers come along is like a fun waiting game. The majority of decent girls will go for whichever dude seems the sweetest or most genuine, but there’s definitely a select few out there just waiting for an opportunity to prey and hustle on your ass. Some guys might actually convince these chicks to put their wild ways aside and temporarily settle for simpler lives spent decorating the house or going on couples dates, but we know how that tends to turn out. It’s the story of Sam Rothstein and Ginger in a nutshell.

INSECURITY IS A MOTHERFUCKER

If you’re searching for someone you can “save,” then you’re in need of some salvation yourself. One huge reason to seek out someone “flawed” or with a crazy past is so you can feel superior to them and mask your own issues with theirs. We usually hope to find people that bring us positivity and enrich us, so looking to rescue a girl with tons of emotional baggage means there’s something wrong with you. It’s like coming to the aid of a wounded animal and then keeping it captive in return. Guys act like they’re helping the girl out, encouraging her to divulge her secrets and demons only to reproach her for it in the end. Once they gain trust and have her fully wifed up, they can easily hold those insecurities against her, bringing up all that past shit that they know hurts her the most. It’s a way of gaining total mental control over a woman, and that’s how toxic ass love stories are formed. One person holds all the power so that every time the other wants to leave, they’re made to feel worthless on their own. So while I don’t doubt that legit romances can form between two individuals in such a situation, it’s definitely impossible to be equals in a relationship where someone considers them self to be your savior.

NO CUFFING IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM

Guys that think they can land a stripper evoke laughs of pity from me, not even because there’s a million other women to choose from who don’t strip for money, but simply because they actually think these girls want to be with them. The only guys that a stripper is seriously fucking with are rappers and other high-profile type dudes, not some desperate ass John who spends every one of his paychecks in the champagne room. Sure, she might let you drive her home and buy her expensive shit, maybe even hit it if you’re lucky, but none of that is going down without financial reciprocation anyway, so what’s the point? It seems impossible for such fools to roam this earth, but I legitimately knew a kid so whipped by a dancer that he started buying her flowers on the daily, and then tried convincing her to quit and come stay with him. He claimed that she was “different and listened,” but no shit dude, of course she’s listening when your wallet bulge is bigger than your boner. Unless you like the thrill of getting played and having all your money taken, leave these ladies to the professionals.

YOU'RE ASSERTING THE ALPHA MALE STRUCTURE

Some men are all about showing power through the display of exclusive shit: fancy clothes, flashy gadgets, and unattainable women. Like a hunter, they’ll find the chick that every dude at the club wants just to be able to say that she’s off the market, but any relationship based on appearances is bogus. These types of guys entice chicks with the allure of materialistic shit and someone to confide in, and then bring them out to parties and events where they’re shown off like prized little status boosters. They don’t call ‘em Trophy Wives for nothing. Initially, it seems like a win/win because the dude is happy that he gets to flex and show his chick off while she gets her little ego trip from being put on display, but that’s only fun for so long. Eventually, homegirl is going to get bored with the bullshit and find a new guy to roll with. That’s just how the game works.

END OF THE LAY

At the end of the day, it’s not going to work if you’re out there trying to bag girls for all the wrong reasons. There will always be an abundance of men who honestly find females with colorful pasts endearing and charming, and thank God! No woman is perfect. We’ve all got issues with former flings and lovers, and it’s nice to know that some guys out there won’t judge us for it. Just realize that within the realm of promiscuity there are many extremes, so while I encourage you to go for it and find that sexually experienced woman of your dreams, there’s a huge difference between a free-spirited gal and a straight skank. I know men love a challenge, but certain women can’t be tamed and aren’t worth all the effort, so don’t beat yourself up if your good intentions don’t work out in the end.

Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.

See also:

Strippers and ‘Captain Save-a-Hoes’ Enjoy ‘Afternoon Delight’

Police: 'Captain Save a Ho' Arrested Again for Pushing One-Legged Man Off of Wheeled Movement Device

Save A Hoe Foundation | Facebook

Still not deterred?

Date a Stunning Stripper: How to Change What You Do and How You Act so the Girls Want to Date You, Not Just Take Your Money (Don't date hoes, just rent them!)

The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide: How To Date Any Exotic Dancer & Survive To Tell The Tale (Don't date hoes, just rent them!)

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